Asking for help

Be comfortable to ask for help if you need it. It’s a sign of strength, not of weakness.

Level of Difficulty

moderate

Required Effort

medium

Recommended Frequency

occasionally

Asking for help is a Magic Move if there ever was one.

Everyone needs help from time to time. Yet we often find it difficult to ask for it.

The people we ask for aid usually don’t see our plea for aid as a sign of weakness.

We tell our children to ask for help when they don’t understand something, are bullied or are struggling.

Yet as adults, we often do just the opposite. We hide in the false safety of our comfort zone. We try to face every obstacle alone and ask for help only when we can no longer cope.

We are afraid of being seen as weak or needy by others.

Yet asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. It requires courage to seek help when you need it; to dare to be vulnerable.

We walk around with a flawed mental model that whispers in our ears that it is wrong or dangerous to be in a position of vulnerability.

We want other people to see us as strong and resilient when, in fact, there is not a single human being on earth who doesn’t struggle at times and wouldn’t appreciate a listening ear or a warm hug.

What is the worst thing that can happen when you ask for help?

That someone doesn’t help? Then you are still exactly where you were before.
That people consider you weak? Who says this is true? And even if it were, would that be such a terrible situation? Is what others think of you more important than daring to ask for help?

Regard asking for help as a sign of strength. Above all, helping others is something most people love to do. It feels good to know that you can make a difference in someone else’s life. It creates a sense that your own life is meaningful.

We could thus regard asking for help as offering another person a chance to make their life more meaningful. Reframing our predicament like this may make asking for help easier.

If you need help, dare to ask for it.

It’s a sign of courage.

It’s a Magic Move you should not be afraid to make.

From what I've seen, it isn't so much the act of asking that paralyzes us - it's what lies beneath: the fear of being vulnerable, the fear of rejection, the fear of looking needy or weak. The fear of being seen as a burdensome member of the community instead of a productive one.

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